Snape's Secret: A Rickmaniac Society Adventure!
by The Original Rickmaniac
Summary: Harry's dead and Snape's fled to America. The students are livid and Snape's fan girls are in rapture...
1. The Killing of Mr. Potter

1  
  
Harry sighed exasperatedly as he scrubbed bobotuber puss off the desks in Snape's dungeon. The rest of the school was in Hogmeade having the time of their lives. Even the first and second-years were allowed this time, it was some sort of vacation for the professors. A bunch of parents were supervising the students and Dumbledore was off on some island in the Bahamas.  
  
How could I have been so stupid, Harry thought bitterly, scrubbing ever harder, spraying himself with bubbles. I just had to lose that paper, I just had to lose that paper that Sirius signed. Now I'm stuck with my least favorite adult and the only person in the entire castle…  
  
"Potter," a cold voice breathed down his neck.  
  
Harry jumped. D*** it, why did Snape always have to sneak up on him like that?  
  
"What?" he muttered irritably, staring at the foamy table. He couldn't bring himself to look him in the eye, but he could feel Snape's black ones burning into his.  
  
"I've waited…so long," Snape said in a raspy voice. "So long…"  
  
Harry looked up. What was Snape talking about?  
  
Their eyes locked. Harry gulped.  
  
"Fifteen years," Snape whispered.  
  
Harry felt his face get hot. A trickle of sweat ran between his eyes.  
  
Snape didn't blink.  
  
"So long…" he repeated. "So thirsty…"  
  
Harry looked at him in shock. Had the guy finally snapped? He began to back away nervously.  
  
Snape snapped to attention.  
  
"Where do you think you're going, Potter?" Snape said, a hint of amusement in his voice. His wand was out and aimed straight at Harry's scar.  
  
"Sit," Snape ordered.  
  
Harry sat.  
  
"You're not going to get away now," Snape said, his lip curling. "Not after I've waited so…"  
  
"Long, yeah, I know," Harry burst. "What are--?"  
  
Snape kneeled down in front of Harry, their faces just a few inches apart.  
  
"Hasn't Ms. Granger figured it out for you yet?" Snape breathed. "I am…a vampire."  
  
Harry blinked, but as the sentence sank in he wondered how he couldn't have noticed it before. The pieces slowly fell into place…  
  
In his first year the Dark Arts teacher Professor Quirrel's turban had the strange smell of garlic about it—perhaps to ward off that troublesome vampire that was on to him? Snape made the class do a werewolf essay so that they would discover Lupin was a werewolf. Lupin made them do a vampire essay and discussed it with Ron and Harry in Snape's presence. Was Lupin trying to prove something, too? And why was Snape always the first teacher on the scene when there was trouble? Perhaps he resumed his bat form and flew…that would certainly be faster than running…Of course, Snape was unusually pale and vampires can't stand sunlight. He always wore black—what kind of vampire doesn't? And Snape was always flexing his fingers—to put them around Harry's neck and--?  
  
Harry gulped. Uh oh.  
  
Snape's eyes glittered maliciously. Harry could have sworn they flashed red.  
  
"After all these years…I finally I have you where I want you," Snape whispered. He snickered. "No good-old Dumbledore to save famous Harry Potter now."  
  
He grinned malevolently. Perhaps it was Harry's imagination, but Snape's teeth slowly seemed to be lengthening…  
  
Snape suddenly grabbed Harry's neck with both hands. Harry was too surprised to do anything except let out a little gasp. Snape cocked his head to one side and whispered as he bit him, "Ta ta."  
  
Harry's eyes rolled up into his head and as he felt the blood drain from his body he watched the world fade into darkness… 


	2. The firing of my math teacher

2  
  
"HAHAHAHA!" Snape cackled, letting go of Harry's neck causing it to crash to the floor. "I have finally gotten my revenge over that perfect git James!" He grinned crazily and did a funky little dance but stopped suddenly. "Uh-oh," he muttered. "Dumbledore still knows I'm a vampire—he'll fire me for sure!" He sighed heavily and went off to pack his bags. Having done so he resumed his bat form and flew off into the night.  
  
*  
  
I yawned.  
  
"So if you add the two bases and multiply by the height and multiply the product by one half," my math teacher (I'm not mentioning any names) droned, "you will get the area. But don't forget to put the 'squared' sign and the measurement…"  
  
Blah, blah, blah. I hate math. My math teacher is quite ancient but she wears her silver hair in a ponytail. She also has glasses and these huge blue eyes that bore into yours and can be VERY creepy. Her voice is all sing-songy and fake and it puts you to sleep. She is SOOO boring!  
  
I yawned again and considered taking a five-second nap when she said sharply, "AMANDA! What is the answer?"  
  
I forced my tired eyes open and stared dumbly at the overhead. She is super-boring by making the work seem really complicated when she explains it but it's actually easy stuff.  
  
"Fifty centimeters, squared," I replied, and was please to see a startled look on her old face.  
  
"Yes," she muttered, clearly annoyed, and proceeded her talk.  
  
I came out of my stupor for a moment to hear her say, "The only magic I know is to do your homework every night." I practically DIED. (Actually she really said that in real life. Ugh.) "So everyone should always do their work," she said, going into her grade speech she made every lesson. "Everyone should…"  
  
BANG.  
  
The classroom door burst open and the principal strode in. Gumlick awoke with a snort and muttered stupidly, "Go back to the jungle from whence you came, elephant." The principal did not hear her, luckily.  
  
She looked at my teacher. "You are fired," she said sharply.  
  
My math teacher dropped the overhead pen. Willowhawk smirked.  
  
"This class has been getting very poor grades as a result of your horrible teaching methods." She pointed to the door. "Out," she directed.  
  
"But--"  
  
"Now," she said icily.  
  
My former-teacher's lip trembled but she left. The class, having gotten over their shock, cheered wildly. I could hardly believe my good luck. Gumlick, Willowhawk and I jumped up on our desks and did a little victory dance but quickly got seated when the principal gave us a very sharp look.  
  
"I'm sorry for that little interruption students," the principal said apologetically. "Here is your new teacher."  
  
Severus Snape burst into the classroom. 


	3. The arrival of Snape

3  
  
My jaw dropped.  
  
Willowhawk gave a little yelp.  
  
Gumlick jumped.  
  
There stood Snape in all his glory—his long greasy black hair, his billowing black robes and that lovely aquiline nose were all there.  
  
"SEVVIE!" the three of us cried in unison and we ran up and hugged him.  
  
"UGH! Geroff me, Muggles!" he cried disgustedly in that deep purdy voice of his, prying us off of him. We broke off beaming.  
  
The principal stared, muttered, "oh my goodness gravy" and quietly shuffled out the door.  
  
"SIT!" Snape spat.  
  
Grinning from ear-to-ear, my fellow Snape fans and I sat, twitching with excitement.  
  
"That will be TEN points from the Piranhas for your lack of respect," he said silkily, eyeing the three of us with mounting dislike. (The Purple Piranhas is my school team.) "Wait—that's not how they do things here, is it?" he murmured.  
  
We all shook our heads.  
  
"Then you three are serving detention with me in the dunge— in here this afternoon."  
  
The bell rang just then, ending the class. With some difficulty Willowhawk, Gumlick and I stopped drooling, pried our eyes off our purdy new teacher and made our way to our lockers.  
  
"Can you BELIEVE it?" Willowhawk sighed rapturously.  
  
Gumlick had a heavenly smile on her face and was unable to speak.  
  
"I KNOW!" I squealed. "I mean, I always thought he was just a character from a book--"  
  
"Who CARES?" Willowhawk interrupted. "The point is he's HERE and he's OUR TEACHER!"  
  
Gumlick came around and squeaked, "And we- we get DETENTION with him! All alone with darling Snapey-poo…"  
  
I don't know what happened next because I fainted dead away.  
  
*  
  
At lunch the three of us were dazedly discussing our new math teacher. He had spoken to us! We had TOUCHED him--!  
  
Jessica plopped down across from us with a tray consisting of her usual drink and one container of french fries. "What's up?" she asked boredly.  
  
"Snape," Gumlick said with a sigh.  
  
Jessica raised an eyebrow. "I heard about that. It's all over the school. Glad I didn't get him—isn't he, like, really strict and evil and stuff?"  
  
I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling.  
  
"Your poor child," Willowhawk said with pity in her voice, patting her on the back. "You poor, deprived child."  
  
Jessica pushed her chair back cautiously. "God, I am SO glad I'm not as obsessed at you guys," she muttered. She picked up her tray and went off to eat with Patricia, AKA Moaning Myrtle. The three of us exchanged glances and shook our heads sadly. "I have a life you know!" she retorted as she walked off. (She tells me and Gumlick that just about every day, mind you.)  
  
"That's some life," I shouted, "if it doesn't include Snape!"  
  
About ten minutes later the three of us threw our trays away and ran off excitedly to detention. 


	4. The serving of detention

4  
  
We skidded to a stop as Snape's classroom came into view. That was the problem—we couldn't see the door. It was surrounded by a thick crowd of girls who were giggling insanely. Ugh—it looked like we weren't the only Snape fans in the school.  
  
"Come on," I growled, and the three of us shoved our way through the crowd until we reached Snape, who was looking paler than usual.  
  
"Hey, Sevvie!" Willowhawk cried.  
  
"Stop. That's all I need—another fan. I had NO idea I was so popular—" Snape whispered shakily. "And DON'T call me 'Sevvie'" he added with menace in his voice.  
  
"Stupid little gits," Gumlick muttered.  
  
"You know, they only like you because of Alan Rickman," Willowhawk informed him.  
  
"Who?" Snape asked blankly.  
  
"Well you DO look extraordinarily like him--" she continued.  
  
I kicked her and she stopped babbling.  
  
"Why don't you just hex them all?" I asked.  
  
Snape stared at me and an enlightened look spread across his gaunt face. "How would you all like to be eggplants for the rest of your lives?" Snape shouted hoarsely to the crowd. They all ran off, squealing in terror.  
  
"Yay!" Gumlick cried.  
  
"Brilliant," Snape whispered to me. "Five points to the—I mean, thank you."  
  
Snape saying 'thank you'? THAT was a moment to remember. Snape must have noticed he was not his usual self because he cleared his throat and said in his usual silky voice, "Now. About your detentions."  
  
His eyes flashed red. Red--?  
  
"What are we going to do?' Gumlick gulped.  
  
"Help me unpack," Snape said simply.  
  
"Huh?" Willowhawk asked blankly.  
  
"Are ALL Muggles this stupid?" Snape sighed exasperatedly, opening up a large black suitcase that was sitting beside his desk. He took out his disgusting jars with nasty green pickled things in them. "You may clean these," Snape said with a malevolent grin.  
  
"Excuse me?" Willowhawk blanched.  
  
Snape's smile widened. "I imagine my pickled potions ingredients got a bit dirty on the fli—er, trip over. You may clean them—without magic!"  
  
"But we aren't wi--" Gumlick started.  
  
"Shurrrup," Willowhawk whispered furiously.  
  
"What was that?" Snape asked suspiciously.  
  
"Nothing," Gumlick said quickly. She didn't want their detentions to get worse—her friends would NOT be amused.  
  
Snape raised his eyebrows. "Indeed," he said, crossing his arms. "Now CLEAN," he ordered. He picked up The Goblet of Fire from the desk and sank into his chair. He put his feet up on the table and began to read.  
  
I twisted a jar open. Ewww, nasty pickled things. I looked around at Gumlick and Willowhawk. Their faces were both a pale green. Later, as we were scrubbing the pickled things and the jars with sponges Gumlick asked timidly, "Professor Snape?"  
  
Snape looked up from his book. "What?" he asked, annoyed.  
  
"Why aren't you at Hogwarts?" Gumlick ventured.  
  
Snape bit his lip. "Ah, that's a very strange story," he murmured.  
  
"Do tell," said Wilowhawk, dropping her sponge.  
  
Snape leaned closer to us. "You must promise not to tell," he breathed.  
  
"We would NEVER betray our darling Sevvie—er, Professor Snape!" I cried. Willowhawk and Gumlick nodded vigorously.  
  
"Well—don't freak out or I might kill you—this starts with the fact that I am a vampire," Snape whispered.  
  
"I TOLD you, Gumlick!" I cried gleefully.  
  
"SHUT UP," Gumlick muttered.  
  
Willowhawk glared at us and we shut up. Snape explained to us about the I- killed-Potter incident. We cheered.  
  
"Haha! Draco can finally be the main character!" Gumlick hooted.  
  
"You're not mad?" Snape asked blankly.  
  
"Of course not, we're Slytherin supporters all the way!" Willowhawk informed him. "You have to go back!"  
  
"No WAY—I bet they've got the dementors looking for me," Snape said worriedly. "I'm undercover—staying at a Muggle hotel."  
  
"Come stay at MY house!" I cried.  
  
"Er—that's okay," Snape said hurriedly.  
  
"I wonder how the castle's coping without you," Willowhawk murmured. 


	5. The horror at Hogwarts

5  
  
Snape closed his eyes. "Yes, I wonder…" he said softly.  
  
*  
  
Ron and Hermione walked into Hogwarts in a crowd of students.  
  
"Urgh, my stomach hurts," Ron moaned.  
  
"You shouldn't have eaten all that candy in Honeydukes," Hermione snapped irritably.  
  
Ron grinned sheepishly. "Well I didn't eat ALL of it--" He jabbed a hand into his robes and pulled out a handful of Chocolate Frogs. "I saved some for Harry."  
  
"Oh good," Hermione said. "I DO hope he's okay."  
  
"Yeah—I wonder if he survived Snape," Rom grimaced.  
  
They reached the Common Room. Harry wasn't there.  
  
"Hm—maybe he took a nap, I'll go see--" Ron said and left. He returned a moment later.  
  
"Find him?" asked Hermione anxiously.  
  
"No," Ron muttered.  
  
"Maybe he got lonely and went to visit Snape," Hermione suggested.  
  
"Um—that would be a REALLY desperate act—but okay," Ron sighed.  
  
They burst into the Potions room, but it was empty.  
  
"That's strange--" Ron started, and then he glimpsed Hermione. Her eyes were wide and a hand was over her mouth.  
  
"What's wro—oh, no," Ron whispered, as he saw what Hermione was staring at. Harry was lying motionless on the floor.  
  
They rushed over. Hermione squatted down and lifted Harry head.  
  
"Say something," she choked out in a whisper.  
  
Harry didn't move.  
  
Ron burst into tears.  
  
Hermione turned his head slowly and gasped.  
  
"What?" Ron sniffed angrily—and then he noticed the marks on Harry's neck.  
  
"I always knew Snape was a vampire but—I—I had no IDEA he would do something like this," Hermione sobbed.  
  
Ron lost it.  
  
"F*** him! F*--!"  
  
The door opened.  
  
"I shall pretend I didn't hear that," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling. Then he saw Harry. "Oh dear, sweet Merlin," he whispered. He looked up at Ron and Hermione, speechless. The twinkle in his eye was gone.  
  
Draco opened the door.  
  
"Where's Professor Snape?" he asked, glimpsing Dumbedore.  
  
"Gone," Dumbledore replied coldly.  
  
"What?—Oh, hullo Weasley. Granger. Potter," he sneered, noticing Ron, Hermione, and Harry. "Granger, I'm not even going to ask what you and Potter might be doing--"  
  
"Harry is dead, Draco," Dumbledore said softly.  
  
"YAY! I mean—oh noooo, Professor," Draco said sarcastically.  
  
Dumbledore stared at him icily, heaved a heavy sigh, and snapped his fingers. Professor McGonagall's head appeared in the fireplace.  
  
"Yes?" McGonagall asked.  
  
"Minerva—I never thought I would have to say this again--" Dumbledore said, biting his lip. "Summon the dementors." 


	6. The teaming-up of the sides

6  
  
Snape's eyes snapped open.  
  
"I can't believe I just told you that," he muttered, "the Muggle world must be driving me mad. Ah, well, give me a minute to remember how to transfigure things into mushrooms…"  
  
Willowhawk gasped.  
  
"And I was growing rather fond of you three," he sighed with a sad smile. "But you will all make fine fungi, I'm sure."  
  
Willowhawk fell to her knees.  
  
"Please, spare us!" she begged.  
  
Snape rolled his eyes.  
  
"Um, Willowhawk?" Gumlick asked.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"I don't think that's going to work."  
  
"Well it was worth a try," she pouted, standing up.  
  
Snape raised his wand.  
  
"Er, Sevvie?" I asked.  
  
"WHAT?!" Snape screamed, lowering his wand.  
  
"Won't that just be earning you more years in Azkaban?" I pointed out.  
  
Snape fell back in his chair and did something that made the three of us stare. He began to cry.  
  
"Don't cry!" Willowhawk said. "You'll get ME started!"  
  
"Do you know what you need?" I asked.  
  
Snape shook his head slowly.  
  
"Some help."  
  
I picked up Snape's wand and tossed it to Gumlick. "You may do the honors," I bowed.  
  
Gumlick grinned, raised the wand and yelled, "ACCIO LES! ACCIO MEGAN!"  
  
The two Snape-lovers appeared with a POP. At the sight of Snape they fell to their knees, bowing.  
  
"Oh, DO get up," Gumlick growled, kicking them. She quickly explained to them the situation.  
  
"We'll do whatever it takes to protect Lord Severus!" they cried in unison.  
  
*  
  
"I am so sorry," Dumbledore whispered, and he left the room.  
  
Hermione burst into tears.  
  
"No, don't cry, please don't cry, Hermione!" Ron cried, wiping away his own tears and pulling her into a hug. Hermione sobbed into his shoulder.  
  
Draco smirked.  
  
"Heh heh," he snickered. "I always knew Potter would come to a sticky end. Just like his parents…"  
  
Ron glared at him furiously.  
  
"But—who will teach Potions?" Draco sniffed. "Who will torture the Gryffindors?"  
  
Ron rolled his eyes.  
  
"We have to get Snape back!" Draco cried.  
  
"What do you mean 'we'?" Ron muttered.  
  
"We, Weasley," Draco said, trying to put on his usual superior look, but failed. "I want Snape back to teach and you want him back to, er, avenge Potter's death." Draco looked as though he thought they didn't stand a chance against his favorite teacher.  
  
"You bet we want to kill him, Malfoy," Ron sneered.  
  
Hermione looked up, her face red and tear-stained. "Alright," she sighed. "We'll team up. But after we find Snape we're back to being enemies." She exchanged glances with Ron.  
  
"Alright, I'm in," Ron said firmly, and he and Draco shook on it. 


	7. The sides discuss their plans

7  
  
Snape dried his tears on his sleeve, sniffing. He looked sooo cute! I could have kissed him, but I thought better of it.  
  
"So—wh—what are you going to do?" he choked.  
  
"Weeeeellll," I said, "I have an idea."  
  
I beckoned for my fellow Snape fans, and we huddled. I whispered my plan, and they broke off nodding.  
  
"We're going to Scotland," I announced.  
  
"I don't THINK so," Snape said, resuming his usual icy tone. "We would be getting CLOSER to the dementors, idiot girl!"  
  
Willowhawk sighed.  
  
"I don't think you get it, dear," she said. "We know someone there who can help you."  
  
"Who?" Snape asked curiously.  
  
"A Muggle," Gumlick replied, "by the name of J. K. Rowling."  
  
*  
  
Ron yawned.  
  
"I can't believe Malfoy wants to meet us SO late," he complained.  
  
"SHH," Hermione whispered, as they entered the trophy room and slipped off Harry's invisibility cloak. Malfoy had told them yesterday to meet him tonight to discuss how they were going to get Snape.  
  
Draco stepped out of the shadows. "'Lo," he said casually.  
  
Ron and Hermione glared at him.  
  
"Oh DO stop that," Draco sighed irritably. "After all, I'm the temporary Harry Potter."  
  
"YOU ARE NOT!" Hermione screamed.  
  
"Shhhh! You'll wake up the whole castle!" Draco hissed. "Look, I don't like being with guys as much as you guys don't like being with me. So—how are we escaping from Hogwarts?"  
  
"Er," said Ron, but Hermione launched eagerly into her plan.  
  
"Well," she said, "we obviously can't Apparate out, but I was doing some reading--"  
  
"Surprise, surprise," Ron muttered, and Draco shushed him.  
  
"—And I found there's no real pracrical way of escating, so we should just stral a couple of brooms from the Quidditch shed," she finished dully.  
  
"Ugh," Ron groaned. "That was the best you could do?"  
  
"Hey!" Hermione retorted. "I don't see any ideas from you two! So ju--"  
  
"Calm down," Draco whispered furiously. "Let's do it—it's the best we've got."  
  
Ron yawned again.  
  
"I'm going to bed," he announced, slipping on the invisibility cloak.  
  
"Me too," Hermione agreed, pulling it over her head as well.  
  
"G'night," Draco said, disappearing into the shadows. 


	8. The sides draw closer

8  
  
"Okay, Gumlick, hand over the wand," Willowhawk said, snatching it. She muttered a few well-chosen words, and the entire group disappeared.  
  
POP!  
  
POP!  
  
POP!  
  
POP!  
  
POP!  
  
POP!  
  
We reappeared in front of a mansion. Snape stared at Willowhawk. "How--?"  
  
"I may be a Muggle, but don't think I never studied magic," she said impatiently.  
  
"But why aren't you guys at a wizard school?!"  
  
"Oh, I DUNNO, can we discuss this later?" She nodded at me. "You may proceed, mon ami," she muttered.  
  
The six of us stared up at the gigantic house. I took a deep breath, motioned to the others, and we made our way to the front door. I rang the doorbell. A loud, frustrated groan sounded from inside, and we could hear someone running frantically through the house. Presently, the door opened.  
  
"Hullo," J. K. yawned. Her hair was a mess, and she was in her pajamas.  
  
We stared.  
  
"Sorry," J. K. said, "I was up all night writing--"  
  
"Oooh! When does the new book come out?" I squealed excitedly.  
  
"No idea. Alright, what do you kids want?" she groaned.  
  
"It's not us kids--" I stared slowly, and the crowd moved apart, revealing Professor Snape, who was looking very puzzled indeed. J. K. stared.  
  
"But—but—I created you!" she gaped. "You don't exist!"  
  
"I know," Gumlick said. "Screwy, ain't it?"  
  
"Anyway—the dementors are after him and he needs protection," Willowhawk informed. We looked the mansion over again.  
  
"We figured you could help," I said hopefully.  
  
"Su—sure," J. K. stuttered, "come on in."  
  
*  
  
"Hullo again," Draco said to Hermione and Ron. They were meeting in the trophy room again the night after their first talk.  
  
"Right," Ron said. He pulled something out of his pocket. "Fred and George stole the key from Wood's locker last practice."  
  
"I am slightly impressed, Weasley," Draco said.  
  
"Yes," Hermione said hurriedly, "let's go."  
  
The three of them managed to get under the cloak, and they made their way outside to the Quidditch field. Ron approached the shed and turned the key in the lock. The shed opened. The three grabbed a broom each and turned to exit the shed, but they were confronted by—  
  
"Seamus? Dean? Neville? Fred? George? Lee? What are you guys doing here?!" Ron hissed.  
  
"We wondered what you wanted with key and decided to find out," Fred growled.  
  
"Explain," George demanded.  
  
Hermione did, and they stared.  
  
"Well, we're coming with you," Dean announced.  
  
"But--" Draco started, annoyed at being on the same side as so many Gryffindors.  
  
"We're coming with you, Malfoy, and you can't stop us," said Seamus firmly.  
  
Neville looked frightened, but he squeaked, "me too."  
  
"No way I'm missing out an adventure like this!" Lee roared.  
  
They all grabbed brooms. Hermione took out her wand, muttered something, and the wand spun in her hand. "Snape went that way," she announced, and they all flew off into the night. 


	9. The students find their teacher

9  
  
When I had finished Snape's story, J. K. just stared.  
  
"Well," she said, stunned. Then she glanced at her watch and jumped. "WHOA! It's midnight! I've been up for two days straight!" she shrieked. "I'm going to bed," she announced, and stared up the long flight of steps. "Oh, yes," she said, remembering, and stopped. "You guys can take any of the bedrooms—except for the one with papers all over the bed and the one with the tropical fish." She disappeared up the steps.  
  
There was a long silence around J. K.'s dinner table. I couldn't sustain myself any longer, and I broke it.  
  
"I get to sleep with Snape," I stated.  
  
There was a huge uproar at this as lightning flashed outside.  
  
"NO! I DO I DO!" Gumlick screamed.  
  
Snape, who had pretended he wasn't there the whole meal, started to edge his chair back cautiously.  
  
Megan noticed the act, unfortunately for Snape, and plopped down on his lap. "You KNOW you want to sleep with ME, Severus," she cooed.  
  
"GET OFF MY BABY!" Les screamed.  
  
Snape fell out of his chair and cried, "I AM NOT SLEEPING WITH ANY OF YOU!"  
  
"SHHHHHUUUUUUUUT UP!" J. K. called from upstairs. "I'm trying to SLEEP!"  
  
Everyone froze.  
  
"I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO CALL THE COPS ON YOU GUYS!"  
  
Thunder boomed from outside, and we hears a door slam upstairs. There was silence at the table again. Snape stood up, looking terribly disgusted. "I'll never understand women," he muttered, shaking his head of greasy black hair.  
  
"N—no you won't," Willowhawk sobbed. "You've just broken five girls' hearts."  
  
Snape rolled his eyes, and made his way to the staircase. "I'm going to bed," he hissed. And then he turned around and glared at Willowhawk. His wand, which had been in her pocked, zoomed into his outstretched hand. "And don't think I won't be locking the door behind me," he whispered.  
  
Everyone groaned. Each of us Snape fans had been planning how we were going to break into his room in the middle of the night. Snape obviously knew more about women than he was letting on.  
  
*  
  
I didn't want to open my eyes, afraid that my whole Snape adventure had been a dream, and when I did was delighted to find myself in J. K.'s house.  
  
"WAKE UP, EVERYONE!" I yelled.  
  
The Snape fans grunted and rubbed their eyes. As soon as they all realized where they were, there was a mad rush for the door. We raced down the steps and skidded to a stop in the living room where J. K. and Snape were playing cards, sitting cross-legged on the rug.  
  
"Good morning," Willowhawk said.  
  
"Night," J. K. corrected absently, and we looked, shocked, out the window at the pitch-black sky. "You guys must have been really tired. Go Fish, anyone?" she asked pleasantly.  
  
"It's a fascinating game," Snape murmured, his face hidden behind his fan of cards.  
  
Everyone but me sat down on the rug eager to play cards with their favorite author and they're favorite guy.  
  
I laughed. "That's okay," I said, "I'll make some hot chocolate." I made my way to the kitchen and conjured up nine cups of cocoa on a tray, with a little help from Snape's wand, which was lying on the table. I carried the tray into the living room. J. K. looked up, surprised.  
  
"Why thank you," she said. "That's very ni--"  
  
Then the door burst open, and on the doorstep stood nine soggy Gryffindors, and they were all looking murderous. 


	10. The end

10  
  
J. K. dropped her cup.  
  
Lightning flashed again, and we caught a glimpse of the nine malevolent faces on the doorstep.  
  
"DRAKIE!" Gumlick cried in rapture, running up to the door and kissing a very pissed-off looking Draco.  
  
"What the H***?" he muttered, shoving her to the ground. She got up, rubbing her cheek and gazing at Draco fondly.  
  
"Hermione?" I asked blankly. "What are YOU doing here?"  
  
Hemione stared right back. "Pardon me, but, aren't you guys Muggles? What are you guys doing here with Snape?" she asked.  
  
J. K. had slowly started pushing Snape toward the bathroom. Seamus noticed.  
  
"Hey, where do you think you're going with Snape, lady?" he bellowed, raising his wand.  
  
"SHUT UP, I CREATED YOU!" J. K. screamed.  
  
"She's mental, that one," Seamus whispered to Dean and Neville.  
  
"Who're you calling mental?" J. K. thundered. "You blew up so many times in the movie--"  
  
Fred, George, and Lee sniggered.  
  
"HEY!" Seamus shouted. "That wasn't me, that was some twit who got paid to play me!" He waved his wand. "EXPELLIARMUS!"  
  
J. K. flew into the air and slammed against the wall.  
  
"NO ONE TREATS THE CREATOR OF SNAPE LIKE THAT!" Megan cried. She jumped on Seamus and began hitting him with all her might. A gigantic fight broke out—student against Snape-lover—and the wands lay forgotten. I was taking on Lee.  
  
"So—how'd you get involved?" I asked, punching him.  
  
"Fred and George," he replied simply, punching me back. "And why are you with Snape?" he asked, kicking me. Then he snickered. "'Cause you think he's hot?"  
  
"TAKE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE, TARANTULA BOY!" I screamed, knocking him to the floor. "Snape didn't HAVE to save Harry's life in his first year, did he?" I asked, jumping on his back. Lee groaned. "DID HE?!" I demanded.  
  
"Ugh—er—no," Lee gave in.  
  
"So killing him only makes it even? RIGHT?!" I jumped on him again.  
  
"Urgh—oohhhh—yes."  
  
I got off og him, and noticed the little battle had stopped. Everyone was staring at me.  
  
Fred said softly, "I never thought of it that way before."  
  
George looked thoughtful. "That almost made Snape sound normal."  
  
His fellow Gryffindors stared.  
  
"Emphasis on the 'almost'," George said quickly.  
  
The Gryffindors all looked at the floor guiltily. And then—  
  
"Where's Draco?" Megan asked.  
  
Everyone spun around.  
  
"There he is," said Les, pointing. He was standing outside the bathroom, speaking softly through the door. Everyone joined him, and Draco looked up sadly. Neville approached the door cautiously. "Professor Snape?" he asked timidly.  
  
"Longbottom?" Snape replied softly from the other side of the door.  
  
"We—we're sorry," said Dean, gulping.  
  
"And we want you to come back," Seamus said. He didn't sound very certain, though. He obviously didn't want to start fighting again; he already had one black eye and a bloody knee. There was a long silence. Snape was probably too shocked to speak. Then the door opened and Snape stepped out.  
  
"PROFESSOR!" Draco cried, hugging him. His normally stone-cold eyes were dancing with happiness.  
  
"Yes, it's—nice—to see you too, Mr. Malfoy," Snape said awkwardly, patting him on the head. He wrinkled his nose ever-so slightly. Draco broke off, beaming up at his Potions Master.  
  
J. K. broke the reunion. She walked into the hall where we were gathered, accompanied by none other than Dumbledore.  
  
"Look who dropped by," she grinned.  
  
"Hullo, Severus," said Dumbledore softly.  
  
Snape hung his head, his usually pale face a flaming scarlet.  
  
"This means Azkaban, you know," he continued, peering at Snape from over his half-moon glasses sadly. Everyone gasped.  
  
"B—but--!"  
  
"You CAN'T--!"  
  
"Don't take him, I won't let you--!"  
  
"I'll be alerting my father!" Draco thundered.  
  
Dumbledore smiled. "Ah, well, I always knew Severus would win in the end—he always had a way with people." Dumbledore winked at Snape, who went redder. We Snape fans giggled. The students looked disgusted.  
  
"Besides," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling, "you might turn us in. That would really be a disaster—everyone thinks we're fictional."  
  
Snape snorted.  
  
"Yes—your principal just laughed when I told her who I was. She thought I was some bloke named Alan Rickman."  
  
Us Snape fans sighed at the name.  
  
"Now," said Snape, getting down to business, "if I go back to Hogwarts, I insist on the Dark Arts job."  
  
"That can be arranged," Dumbledore agreed, "since there've only been substitutes this year. Everyone still thinks the job is jinxed. So, yes, Severus, you may have the job."  
  
Then Snape did something he hadn't done in a long time—he smiled. It all happened so quickly, Dumbledore clapped his hands three times, and he, Snape, and his students disappeared with a POP. The remainder of us stared at the place where Snape had once stood.  
  
"Well," was all J. K. could say.  
  
Megan started to cry. "Snape's gone!" she moaned.  
  
"I know," I said softly, in a daze, "but at least we got to meet him."  
  
The End 


End file.
